Friday, January 25, 2013
‘Hyde Park on Hudson’ (2012) directed by Roger Michell, 13th January 2013
‘The
Woman that Wanked off the President’ would have been a better title. ‘Hyde Park on Hudson’ tells you almost
nothing about what’s to come, namely a soft-focus, dreamily serious historical
drama about the woman whose job it was to wank off President Franklin D.
Roosevelt (Bill Murray).
Set in 1939, the film revolves around the visit
of King George VI (Samuel West) and Queen Elizabeth (Olivia Colman) to
Roosevelt’s private residence in upstate New York. Europe is on the brink of war, and the two
have made an unprecedented trip to visit Roosevelt in the hope of form a
relationship between the United Kingdom and the USA as allies against the Axis
powers. This pivotal moment in world
history is told from the perspective of the shy Daisy (Laura Linney), the
Presidents fifth cousin, a member of his staff, and the person whose responsibility is
administering handjobs to the Commander in Chief.
 |
| Bill Murray as FDR |
The film is drenched in summery, pastoral
imagery. It’s languorously paced, with a
soporific, dreamy voiceover from Linney throughout much of the film. It’s almost a bit too obvious to compare it
to ‘The King’s Speech’, but
stylistically and historically it covers some very similar ground, albeit far
less successfully.
The problems of the film all boil down to the
wanking off scene. You can just tell
that director Roger Michell is painfully aware that this element sticks out
like a sore thumb in his highbrow glossy drama, and he does his level best to
camouflage it as best he can. It takes
place in a field full of gently swaying flowers, the sun illuminates it like
something out of a postcard, the camera angles are tasteful and the
performances from Murray and Linney can’t really be faulted. But, for all that, this is an old bloke being
given a hand job in a softly creaking car.
You can only class it up so much.
Bill Murray is the one thing that prevents this
film tipping completely over into creepy territory. He’s a charismatic, loveable and randy FDR,
Murray’s natural ease with people shines through in all his interactions. He may the most powerful man in the world,
but still knows how to have some fun. He
plays the role as charmingly as he can, and with Murray’s considerable talent
this is pretty damn charming.
 |
| Laura Linney as Daisy. |
But even Bill Murray can’t prevent the film
being feeling deeply strange. We are
expected to take it in our stride that a horny FDR is in the habit of randomly
summoning his distant relatives to his private country home, essentially to
audition them for the role of Presidential wanker-offer. The script is at pains to repeatedly
emphasise that Daisy is FDRs fifth
cousin, but as far as I’m concerned as soon as you introduce the word cousin
into the equation there’s a faint and unpleasant whiff of incest to
proceedings.
What makes matters even worse is the creepy way
in which it happens. Daisy is bizarrely
naïve for someone in their late 30s or early 40s. She's weirdly virginal and doesn’t seem to have had any romantic experience, this innocence makes the scenes preceding the
first wanking session really quite creepy.
FDR waves away his police escort, driving off into the woods, Daisy
asking in confusion where they’re going.
When the reach a scenic spot, FDR stares into the middle distance
smoking, and gently guides Daisy’s hand into his lap. She looks shocked and confused, but then gets
on with the task at hand. She doesn’t
really have much of a choice. There has
to be better ways of setting the scene, if you make Bill Murray (Bill Murray!) seem like a creepy sexual
predator then you’re doing something wrong.
 |
| Receiving the Royal Family, George VI (Samuel West) and Olivia Colman (Olivia Colman) |
This bizarre half of the plot takes absolutely
forever to link thematically with the visit of the Royal Family, and then
proceeds to do it in an incredibly confusing way. These segments of the film really do feel
like a bargain basement version of ‘The King’s Speech’. The stiffness and over-mannered nature of the
Royals is emphasised at every turn, with the effect that they seem like
caricatures. Samuel West fails to
capture any of the vulnerability that Colin Firth brought to the role, and
Olivia Colman, generally a brilliant actress, gets to spend the entire film
looking terrified. I know the film is
trying to play up the differences between the aristocracies of the USA and UK but
they seem so confused and lost that they might as well be the Martian Royal
Family.
The two strands of the plot finally link up when
our Royals are served hot dogs at a picnic, an event portrayed as the lynchpin of the entire visit. FDR summons Daisy over to
the table, and as the King shakily proffers his quivering, pink sausage, FDR
tells an awkward Daisy to spread some mustard on it, which takes place in
lascivious close up. Are we to presume
that this hot dog the King is about to suggestively eat is a symbolic of FDR’s
dick? All signs point to yes, but what the hell does this mean?!
 |
| The gang hangs out. |
I am genuinely boggled. Perhaps the handjobs are FDRs way of
relaxing, and he wants the King to relax so he gives him a handjob substitute
in the form of a delicious hotdog? Maybe
this is a symbol of Daisy wanking off George VI behind the scenes unseen by the
audience? Could the suggestive way in
which the King eats the phallic sausage be a point on the unequal power balance
between the UK and USA? It’s frustrating,
there’s something happening here, but I don’t know what it is! Fortunately I don’t much care.
The cherry on top of this muddled and confusing
cake is that the whole film is predicated on the US coming to the United
Kingdom’s aid in World War II. George VI
desperately explains that he’s seen cities bombed during the Spanish Civil
War, and is terrified of the same thing happening to Britain. The film ends in triumph – a ‘special
relationship’ has been forged between our two nations. Everything is going to be fine from now
on! Except the film is set in 1939 and
the USA didn’t enter the war in Europe until 1942. In the meantime Britain's cities got practically bombed flat.
**/*****
Tags:
Bill Murray ,
film ,
Franklin D Roosevelt ,
handjobs ,
Hyde Park on Hudson ,
Laura Linney ,
Olivia Colman ,
review ,
Roger Michell ,
samuel west ,
wanking ,
wanky wanky wanky woo
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